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Most
of the time when you hear the word testimony, you think
of reading or hearing a story of one's salvation
experience. This will differ somewhat and hopefully
speak to scores of people that were in the same or a
similar situation to mine.
Many people have come to the Lord with tears flowing, a
broken heart, and a very sincere desire to have a change
in their life that will mean long-lasting change and a
totally new way of life. Days turn into weeks, weeks
into months and the months become years and we wonder,
Why am I so frustrated? What happened to me? What's
wrong with ME? Where is the joy I'm supposed to have?
Does God really love me? Do I really love God? and of
course, Am I really saved?
Many times in our church surroundings we would never
vocalize the question of our salvation for fear of what
others may think or say. So we enter into this existence
of going to church (faithfully I might add) only to
leave week in and week out even more frustrated. Sooner
or later we seem to have this friend or family member
who goes to another church and from what we can see of
them, they appear to have this missing joy. So we step
out and try another church. Sometimes people will never
even go so far as to try another church. The reasons are
simple. They just don't want to deal with the
condemnation that is sure to come and are afraid of
losing friendships they have developed. Many have family
ties that will surely be fractured. Some are told if
they leave they will be cursed or even killed by God.
Sadly, but true, many churches control their people
through fear and intimidation. Such was my case. When I
entered this particular church, I was told I had a
special call on my life. I was also told that this
denomination was the only one that taught you how to
grow in God. The truth is that if we are sincere, we
want to grow and by all means who wouldn't love to hear
those words, you have a special call?
Not long after entering the church, I was bit by bit
introduced to more of the teaching. When I didn't
readily accept MOST of what was being taught, I was
told just put it on the shelf for now, and it will make
sense to you later. I did just that. The shelves got
fuller and fuller and I started wondering if I were
either stupid or just illiterate. I beat myself up for
10 years and finally realized what was going on and why
I had been seduced into the church in the first place.
When we don't know much about our bibles and what they
say, we are easily impressed by those who "appear"
to know a lot of scripture. This is exactly how and why
false doctrines are successful. There is usually a
leader who can quote scriptures left and right. That's
impressive to someone looking for more truth.
The
problem is when they break out the concordance and start
changing the meaning of the scripture itself to fit the
doctrine. I've seen scriptures be so broken down
that by the time they were done, the meaning didn't even
resemble what the original scripture had spoken. By
the way, if you were real for God in that church
you carried a briefcase and concordance with you to
church. What was really going on with me is as follows.
When something would be delivered as truth, my spirit
was simply not bearing witness to it. I thought it was
just me but it wasn't. It just wasn't true and the Holy
Spirit of God only connects with truth. When you are
saved and you hear truth you know it. When it is truth
it will line up with the Word with no problem. I tried
in spite of my feelings to make the doctrine fit but it
just wouldn't. I started assessing (not judging)
the people around me a little closer and searched for
fruit around me to draw from. I found none. Whenever
I made the mistake of confiding in anyone I seemed to
get burned and betrayed. Most things would make it to
the pastors phone within an hour. Sound familiar? So, I
just clammed up but found no fruit. Upon closer
analysis, I realized our church had a divorce rate that
far exceeded the national average and other problems
abounded. I said to myself, this is not why I came here.
I wanted better than what I can see. Again, not with a
judgmental eye at all.
I started searching scriptures for myself. I loved
reading the Word. One morning, while in the book of
Hebrews, I was practically shaken out of my rocker
(literally). The beautiful passage of Hebrews 13:9.
"Be not
carried about with divers and strange doctrines, For it
is a good thing that the heart be established with
grace; not with meats, which have not profited them that
have been occupied therein." The first phrase
means stop being. It's not a suggestion, it's a command.
The second phrase, I realized that my heart was not
established with grace. (more on that later) The
last two-part phrase explained why I had not seen fruit.
You see, for 10 years I had been told "We have the
meat of the word around here" "Once
you've tasted this class of word, you'll never be
satisfied anywhere else." Each time I'd
here those two phrases, I figured, what's the use in
looking elsewhere if I won't be satisfied. I had been
intimidated into believing the lie that I couldn't be
satisfied anywhere else.
Since
I made my break 3.5 years ago, I have never been more
satisfied and it is as fresh today as it was when the
revelation of grace truly registered with me.
ITS A LAW GRACE ISSUE
When
a church is not a grace church, it's a law church. Plain
and simple. Man gravitates to law and really loves law.
(works, the doing of religion, effort, continually
trying to prove to themselves and to others they are
spiritual). The first dysfunctional family was Adam,
Eve, Cain, and Abel. The brothers were given specific
instructions about the sacrifice. Cain thought, I
can do better. He worked the ground, planted crops,
and brought forth the works of his flesh. Abel simply
displayed faith in the sacrifice. Ever wonder about
whatsoever is not of faith is sin? Today, when we offer
our Lord our pitiful, pathetic efforts of our
flesh, we insult the cross of Christ and trample the
blood of Jesus under foot. When he hung there, just
before He breathed out His life, He said, "IT
IS FINISHED". He didn't say it's half
finished. When He saved us, He didn't half save us.
When we were
lost, we didn't really understand just how
lost we were. Now that we are saved, we don't really
understand how saved we are.
I am no longer motivated or intimidated by fear of man.
I understand the grace of God and what it truly means. I
don't claim to understand everything about it yet for it
is new everyday and continues to open up. I am motivated
to be obedient out of gratitude. I do not have a permit
to sin for that is ridiculous and anyone that would
proclaim that just doesn't understand grace. When I
left the church I had been in, the congregation was
treated to a feast of sermons slamming those that had
left (me) and I was accused of chasing after greasy
grace and sloppy agape'. When you are in a law
church, you love hearing that kind of sermon for it
makes you feel better in some sick way for I had heard
many similar sermons and knew that once I left, that was
to follow.
Month's before I left, my wife and I had been asked
by some very special friends to become their new
daughter's godparents. I knew that it meant going
back into that church for the service and hearing a
sermonette directed to me and how I had missed God by
leaving. My desire to have my first godchild was
enough to endure what I knew was to come but what
transpired left me even more appalled. My wife and
I joined the family on the stage for the dedication of
our new and lovely godchild Ashley. Only that day Ashley
didn't have a name, for the pastor was so caught up in
his teaching of doctrine and correction of me, when he
dedicated the child, he never even so much as mentioned
her by name. Was this my imagination? No, for the
parents reviewed the tape and Ashley was never dedicated
by name. Another reason for his teaching of doctrine is
that other family members were there that were of
another belief system. The pastor knew that once the
dedication was over, those folks would leave as well and
would not stay for his other sermon. So such is how it
went and goes there.
When you have law, you have acute self-righteousness. When
you have self-righteousness, self-righteousness always
has a victim. The reason self-righteousness has to have
a victim is that when you teach law, you do not teach
grace and hence you feel like you have earned something
while grace teaches YOU haven't earned anything.
Let's say it another way that will ring so correctly for
many. An attitude and atmosphere exists that goes
like this: You can't possibly have what I have
because YOU haven't paid the price I'VE paid. And, I add
here that while they SAY others outside their
church are saved, most of them don't REALLY
believe it.
When you read the book of Galatians in it's proper
context, you understand Paul was really letting the
Galatians have it for trying to join the law issue with
the covenant of grace. Read it for yourself. He
asked a very direct question when he asked, Who
hath bewitched you? He also asked : Received ye the
Spirit by the works of the law, or by the hearing
of faith? He went on: Are you so foolish?
Having begun in the Spirit, are ye now made perfect by
the flesh? They had a good start. What happened? What
happened to me? What happened to you? Later on he tells
and asks them: Ye did run well, who did hinder
you? Does this sound familiar? Notice he asked, WHO
did hinder you? I encourage you to read the book of
Galatians over and over.
THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE
THE TRUTH SHALL MAKE YOU FREE
Thank God for two
things that I did know of a certainty: 1. I was not
free. 2. I knew that if I were in the truth, I should be
free.
It's very hard at times for believers to come clean and
be totally honest. You see, we had been taught to
separate from those who didn't believe like we did. The
separation became alienation, then alienation had become
isolation and isolation had become insulation and
we called it a fence. Who could I even talk to that
would understand? I had already bragged about my
religious standard to those who I used to love to be
with. No, I'm not talking about partaking in sinful
ways. But, I was locked into this prison cell and could
talk to no one.
Another thing I was thankful to know was that there is
one mediator between God and man. I turned exclusively
to Him and started tuning out the religious
teachings and it is in those days that He directed me to
Hebrews 13:9. You see, another thing I had been taught
was to go to the pastor for everything; i.e. buy a
car, buy a house, move from one house to another, and so
on. When one goes to the pastor for such things, in his
or her mind, they really want the Will of God. If there
is one mediator, where do all these others come from? I
found out, I CAN HEAR FROM GOD FOR MYSELF. But, the
first thing I had to do was be honest. 100%.
I was a miserable person that was in a miserable
existence and I was not trying to justify some private
or pet sin. I just did not have victory
MY SEARCH AND MY DISCOVERY
One Sunday morning, I decided to go to a church that was
60 miles away from my home. The reasons I chose this
church were actually pretty good reasons. 1. My
wife and I had celebrated a wedding anniversary 7 months
prior in that city and dropped in for Sunday morning
service. 2. The preacher had opened his sermon
that morning with the most thought-provoking comment I
had ever heard in my life and goes as follows almost
verbitum: "I was watching T.V. yesterday and
saw an advertisement put out by our Mormon friends. They
said if you call this 800 number, they will send you a
free bible. They went on to say, for it is the teachings
of Jesus Christ that change men's hearts and
lives." He went on to say: As good as the
previous statement sounds, it's not quite
correct." He added, For if it were His
teachings alone, He didn't need to die, He would have
just taught." He went on into his sermon
about how important the events of the cross were and how
that the devil in the wilderness was trying to keep
Jesus from the cross. Just as he does today with us. He
does it through, of all things, the doing of
religion and religious works. (more on this later) 3.
I wanted to go somewhere that I could be anonymous for
no one there knew me and I knew no one else there. 4. I
wanted to check out my true motives, for even they were
in doubt. 5. I doubted my love for Jesus. 6. I doubted
His love for me. 7. Yes, and I even doubted my
salvation.
I learned that everything we have spiritually is totally
and completely by and through the cross. There is
nothing we can do to add to it for it is and was a
complete work. We put and keep our faith there and are
never to move it. The book of James says it very well: Every
man is tempted when he is drawn away. The question
is drawn away from where? The obvious answer is the
cross.
Religion and false doctrine keep us busy learning things
that are not a factor in our spiritual growth.
Religion majors on minors. Religion teaches us
things that we can argue with one another over. The word
religion is only in the bible a total of 5 times and
only once can be taken in a remotely favorable way.
Religion distracts us from our true source of victory
with teachings of man's own devising. I could literally
write a book on this now, and may someday. Religion
teaches us that we are beyond the cross now and it's on
to bigger things. I would asks this question. How do you
ever get beyond the cross?
REMEMBER THE
DAYS
I can remember the times when an evangelist would come
to town and preach a revival. Some would get saved, some
would make new commitments, and some just revived. What
happened? Why does that happen? It's really very simple.
An evangelist does not come preaching heavy elements of
doctrine. A true evangelists preaches the events of the
cross, in effect, the gospel. If that were not
the case, why did you and I get revived when he'd come
through town? Why did we loose the victory shortly after
his departure? We got back into our religious rut and
the doing of religion. We left the cross another time
and wondered, WHERE IS THE VICTORY I HAD A WEEK AGO ?
The only time in the old church that I ever tasted
victory was when I'd get soooooo desperate that I'd go
to the altar and close out all surroundings, all
elements of the teaching, all distractions and meet my
Lord at the foot of the cross. That's it ! Nothing else!
I would arise with obvious victory. Wouldn't be long
before someone would see my victory and point out how
wonderful the teaching around here is. Aren't you glad,
now you have victory? NO IT WASN'T THE TEACHING. It
was getting away from the teaching long enough to renew
and refresh my relationship with my one an only
source of victory.
The day we got saved, we had the most perfect peace in
our lives. What changed? Who changed? Who moved? What's
different today than then? I submit to you we moved away
from the source and entered into religion and works of
the law. When you read Galatians, read about the fruit
of the spirit and works of the flesh. Remember,
Galatians was written to believers not non-believers.
When we enter into law and the doing of religion, we
will see works of the flesh not things of the Spirit. I
recently heard from a brother that said when he left his
law church, one of the sisters went up to him and
slapped his face. I ask you now, would that be the
things of the Spirit or a work of the flesh? I
re-direct your attention to Cain and Abel to point out
that the works of the flesh always try to kill the
things of the Spirit. In this case, Cain did kill Abel
because of jealousy and the fact that God accepted
Abel's sacrifice and rejected Cain's.
So I ask you today, are you frustrated as I was? The
reason I was frustrated is because I had frustrated the
grace of God. Are you frustrated today? Are you free
today? I'm not even implying quit going to church for
that is ridiculous. I am suggesting, find the right
church for you. It's out there. Pray that God will lead
you as he did me.
If your desire is sincere and you feel trapped in a law
church, I encourage you to close out the teaching that
does not bear witness with you. There is a reason
it's not. Focus on Jesus and Him only and what He
has done for you. Get back to the cross and stay there.
Never leave. Don't let forces of darkness pull you away.
THE MAIN REASON THIS EXISTS
A Christian that is void of victory is the devil's greatest
victory. Let me explain and I'm sure you will agree. A
fired up excited Christian is a serious threat
to the devil's kingdom. If we have victory, then we will
bear fruit. We will be pulling from his kingdom and
winning other souls he has declared for himself. If
he can keep us down, he is keeping us out of the game
so-to-speak. A fired up Christian can pull and affect
many others. A defeated Christian can't and won't. He's
not at work in the saloons and drug corners nearly as
bad as in the churches. Most church folk today spend
their time recruiting members of other churches, not
approaching the lost. Especially law churches. What they
are saying is you need more law. I mentioned previously
that man gravitates to law and I know for some, that was
a strange statement. Consider that we have many elements
of government that do nothing but make and create more
law(s). Thomas Jefferson said as government
increases, freedom decreases. Every time a new law is
passed, we just lost a degree of freedom. The same
applies to churches and church rules. Obedience is
better than sacrifice. It is better to obey in the first
place than to have to offer a sacrifice for the
disobedience.
Repentance is not overcoming. Repentance is repentance
and you wind up in a miserable routine of sinning and
repenting, sinning and repenting. Overcoming means
you have overcome the particular issue and don't wake up
every morning wondering, will I make it today? I find
that now that I've learned of and embraced grace,
overcoming is so much better. I don't have the miserable
existence I once had and it's not because of what I've
done, it's because of what He has done. I put my faith
totally in Him and His finished work and when the Holy
Spirit recognizes that my faith is correct, He goes to
work on my behalf. Very simple and very powerful.
An example of how ridiculous law church works in
conclusion, (I could go on quite a while but must
not). The church I came out of had as one of their
rules: You can't have or watch T.V. As time
passed, I realized that practically everyone had one but
called it a monitor. Whenever one knew company was
coming, they would hide it in the closet. I used to
borrow a monitor from one of the preachers so I could watch a
ball game here and there. You see how ridiculous this
is?
LEARN OF GRACE,
EMBRACE IT, AND DON'T GIVE UP
Finally, it is so wonderful to be free, mere words
can't explain what I feel today. My calling is now
to share the truth of grace and the finished work
of the cross to as many as I can. As I previously
mentioned, I could go on for days because it's fresh and
stays fresh and continually opens up. No, I'm not beyond
the cross and you know what? I don't want to ever leave
it again. May you find this true peace that does pass
understanding.
God Bless You All
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