How can I put into words the gratitude I feel for being blessed with this beautiful daughter of mine who came by much prayer and faith in God? For me, this is a journey worth sharing, but not only that, but also I pray this will give others hope. For those women who have PCOS, I want to encourage you to NEVER give up and to believe that God can perform a miracle in your body. For those  families who are trying to conceive a child or have been told that there is no hope for having children, I encourage you to place your faith in God. God is bigger than the doctors and the report they give. I am living proof. With this, I begin my journey. May you be blessed... And Then Came Ashley... I will begin my journey at the beginning of my marriage to the wonderful father of our children. I was 17 years old when I got married and my husband and I both wanted a family and children. We had big dreams just like any married couple, to have a family. Right after I got married, I began to experience some health problems which would make a difference later on in our lives in how many children the Lord would allow us to have. At the age of 19, my husband and I decided we wanted to conceive our first child. We were not serving God at the time and were living our lives without Him.  After many months of not being able to conceive, I went to a doctor and he told me I had "thyroid" problems and it would be harder to conceive. Back then, PCOS (Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome) was not even discovered. The doctor sent me home with some fertility pills. Well, I never took them cause little did I know, I was already pregnant! I gave birth to our first son at the age of 20 -years- old. In 1983, I gave my heart to the Lord and began to live my life for Him. My husband came to Christ one year later. I had always wanted my children to be spaced about 2 years apart, so we decided to try and have another child. I had a few more "added symptoms" to my health problem it was even more harder to conceive again. But, God was faithful and 4 years after our first son, we conceived another son.  After we conceived our second son, we decided that if we immediately began to try for another child, we might be able to have one much sooner than 4 years. I wanted a little girl badly. I can remember as a child, pretending I had a daughter and after I married, the desire was so strong in me to have a little girl. I prayed and prayed to have a daughter. The years kept passing us by and still no daughter. I would see other mothers with little girls and cry so much deep inside. I longed so much for a daughter. As the years continued to pass, my husband and I went through a major crisis and we both turned our backs on God and was angry at God for what had happened with us. I was a total mess; a total wreck. My husband and I were filing for divorce and my dreams of ever having a daughter seemed to me to be shattered. I was losing everything and even began to think of ways I could end my life. The Lord intervened in our crisis and healed our marriage. Even when I had turned my back on God, He still carried me and I did not even realize it. It was when I was at rock bottom; at my worst, that the Lord revealed Himself to me more than He ever had. After my husband and I came back to the Lord and began serving him, I was cleaning house one day when I suddenly felt this sharp pain and I could not hardly walk. I was doubled over in much intense pain. I was brought to the doctor only to discover I was having a miscarriage. I was devastated!  I was told by my doctor that my chances for conceiving a child and it surviving was almost nothing. With the health problems I was having I was told that I was infertile and unable to conceive a healthy child. For months after that I kept thinking that it was my little girl that I miscarried and it just was not fair. Why had God not allowed me to have this child? Why did I have to have a messed up body? I had no answers and the doctors did not know how to help me other than giving me the option to take a chance at fertility pills. I felt in my heart that it was not God's will for me to conceive in an unnatural way via pills. At that point, I surrendered to God and His will and not just my wants or desire. The Lord began to change my heart and I accepted whatever God wanted for my life. I came to the realization that children are from GOD only and it was GOD alone who decided when and if I was to ever have or not have another child. Upon accepting His will I began to have peace. I accepted the fact that I may never have a little girl. More years went by and was told by doctors that what was causing my health problems all these years was something called Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which was why it was hard or virtually impossible to have children. I was told the more children you do have, the more PCOS magnifies and it becomes less and less that you are able to conceive.  With all the new technology today I was finally told what I was battling. Time went on and as I began to reach my upper 30's, the thought of having any more children had totally erased my mind cause I was getting older and my health was not getting better. I also had blood pressure problems which convinced me that it was best not to risk any kind of pregnancy anyway. One of the main symptoms of PCOS is insulin resistance which makes it harder to try and lose excess weight if you are overweight. I had been struggling so hard to lose weight and had tried different diet plans and none of them seemed to work. Someone told me about a program called Weigh Down Workshop which teaches you to go to God when you are not truly hungry and stop eating before you get overly stuffed. I began to lose weight like I never could before. I attributed it to my obedience to God in my eating habits and was so thankful that He was working in my life. To make a long story short, He began to restore my health in a miraculous way! I was able to get off of blood pressure medicine and I lost 45 pounds. I began to have symptoms of pregnancy, but I thought it was just the PCOS I had been diagnosed with doing some things in my body. My husband told me to get a pregnancy test. I laughed in his face. (O' me of little faith, right?) I obeyed my husband and of course the test came out positive! I came out of the restroom screaming and he laid on the bed laughing. He told me he knew I was pregnant cause the Lord told him the night we conceived that we were going to have a little girl.  Of course, me of little faith still did not want to believe my husband and I told him until I at least had an ultrasound, I did not want to get my hopes up that it was the little girl I had so dreamed of. At the age of 37, I gave birth to the healthiest baby girl who scored a perfect 10 on the Apgar scale! During my pregnancy, I was considered high risk cause I developed gestational diabetes and my high blood pressure came back. I was still overweight and had not lost all the weight I wanted to lose prior to getting pregnant. Satan tried his best to instill lots of fear in me while I was pregnant. I rebuked him each time and kept my faith placed in God. God carried me throughout my pregnancy just as He had done when I had hit rock bottom in my past life. I am now 43- years- old  and my little 6-year-old daughter is a constant reminder of the grace and mercy of God. I look at her and see the true miracle she is. I am reminded of Psalm 37:4, where it says, "Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart." The key is to "delight yourself" in the Lord. Not in your dreams or worldly pleasures. When I look back at all those years and how I longed for a little girl, I can now see the bigger picture. God knew in our backslidden state back then that we were not ready or able to take care of another child. He knew what we were going to do long before we knew that about ourselves. Having a child is always in HIS timing and not ours. I am forever thankful to God that he protects us from even ourselves sometimes. It is not that God did not want to bless us with a daughter. It was the fact that we had to wait on HIS timing and OUR surrender to His will. Only when we gave God the entire situation and accepted His will, were we blessed with our daughter, who is a true miracle. The doctors gave me no hope. Satan tried to use my body against me. But, the God I serve is way bigger than that! With everything against me God came through for me and turned everything around for me to have this child. Nobody can tell me that miracles are not for today. Doctors do not  have the final word when it comes to health. God and God alone is who determines our destinies. When I look at my daughter and she looks into my eyes, I see the love of Christ for me. I feel so blessed that He chose me to mother this little miracle of ours. I do not deserve all what God has done for me. My daughter is living proof of the power of God and His ability to perform miracles. My greatest desire is to lead her straight into the arms of Jesus when her time on this earth has ended. I have the daughter of my dreams and I am eternally grateful to God. For this child I prayed, as long as she liveth she shall be lent to the Lord. 1 Samuel 1:27-28 Three years have gone by since this page was made for my daughter. It is now 2005 and my precious daughter is now 7-years-old. To read more about her and see more pics click on the picture right above this update. Thanks for visiting!